5 Amazing tips for opening to love over valentine's day

Single, professional ladies, let’s get real. Being single on Valentine’s Day can really suck. I mean, it’s not that you would ever deny your friends, family, or even the random couple walking down the street their romantic relationships – but could they just please ignore their huggy, kissy impulses while in front of you for the next 2 minutes? Am I right?

I get it. And I remember those reactions vividly – wishing the reminders of what I didn’t have would go away, all the while longing for a relationship of my own. With all the Valentine’s Day love brimming in the air, I wondered if I would ever get my fair share?

Don’t get me wrong – I knew I’d be ok with or without a relationship. After all, I’d led a successful 20-year career at top global ad agencies, which gave me a lot of freedom and cool, juicy projects to fill my days (and nights!). But, being brutally honest, I’ll admit that it felt a lot safer at times to just stay in my safe little single’s cocoon and not risk the insanity of dating. I had become the master at blocking potential new relationships before they even started, after all – having a readily available excuse of a high-demanding job to bail me out when even the slightest amount of discomfort arose. And I don’t just mean saying no to a date, commitment, or anything like that. Often times, my own inner defenses put the kabosh on even having an initial conversation! Dating felt hard, after all. And putting myself out there was scary as all get out. Stepping up to the plate meant dealing with all of my inner gremlins and insecurities that seemed easier to shove down for the gazillionth time vs. addressing.

But they never really went away. Instead, those gremlins were like the wonky birthday candles you blow out that keep lighting themselves back up, over and over and over again. No matter how hard I tried to ignore them, or to even “power through” them to get through one measly date, they were always there – and always blocking me from what I longed for underneath it all: a loving relationship with a lifelong partner who would cherish me, just as I cherished him.

Thank goodness I finally bucked up and dealt with my fears, old hurts, and all the things getting in the way of my happiness. And I don’t mean by superficially understanding where my wounds originated, but by really going deeply inside and applying love to the parts inside of me that had been hurt. I am so fortunate to have learned the tools needed in my MA in Spiritual Psychology program to get me to the other side. Because of them, I now not only have a hugely successful coaching business, but also met the love of my life at age 44, married him at age 46, and gave birth to our miracle son, Jacob, at age 50! Life has never been better.

I’m here to tell you that if it’s possible for me, it’s possible for you too!

So please, please, please – don’t be like I was back then! Choose to be open to love and take a chance instead. It’s Valentine’s Day, after all, and love is definitely in the air!

Because I don’t want you to miss out (like I did for so many years), I’m here to give you 5 amazing tips for not only surviving the holiday, but actually opening to love …

1) When you see a happy couple, get excited! Remember – if it’s possible for them, it means it’s possible for you too! So, celebrate the fact that happy couples exist – i.e., that what you’re looking to manifest exists. The Universe works in funny ways, after all. If It sees you cursing or getting upset over happy relationships, why in the world would it ever conspire to bring one your way? So, celebrate them instead, knowing that the Universe is listening each time you do!

2) Reframe your thoughts on dating. First, if you’re feeling insecure, instead of focusing on whether or not he will like you, try thinking about whether the two of you are a good fit. Focusing on this question allows you to get curious and to get to know him! And, you know, everyone has something likeable about them. So, find what’s likable about the person you’re on a date with. People can sense when you like them – so focusing on even just one likable thing will help them open up, allowing you to open up as well. Ultimately, even if you’re not a great romantic fit, remind yourself that it’s all good. Who knows – if you hit it off as fellow human beings on the planet, then even if he’s not your guy, maybe his cousin or best mate will be!

3) Deal with your inner gremlins. Lots of women I’ve spoken to over the years either a) barrage a first-date with every horrible ex-boyfriend story they’ve ever encountered, or b) hope that a new guy will magically heal the wounds caused by the old guy(s), or c) refuse to show up fully as themselves on a date because they’re just too raw or gun-shy to be that vulnerable. In all these cases, the women were unknowingly letting their inner gremlins drive their dating bus!

What are inner gremlins, you ask? The fears, doubts or beliefs that have built up over time that, without being resolved, will eventually halt any progress you make with #s 1 & 2 above. Because these gremlins are largely unconscious, they lead us to behaving in ways that we know no rational person would ever behave, and yet acting in any other way just feels wrong. The issue is that these actions often lead to horrible outcomes, wreaking holy havoc on our dating lives.

The biggest advice for getting rid of these gremlins is to actually heal them; to listen to, understand, and then apply TONS and TONS of love and compassion to the parts inside of you that have been hurt – whether it be a 5-year old, 16-year old, or 35-year part. Giving these parts the love they need is critical – especially because there’s a really good chance that when the hurt was created, there was no one around who knew how to give you what you needed, or even know that you needed it. Importantly, anything unresolved regarding your relationships with men never really goes away, but keeps coming up whenever the opportunity is ripe for a healing. So, take the time and really heal those parts. It’s when the healing comes that you can truly meet your soul mate at the level you want him to meet you.

4) Pump it up. Before going out into the world, pump up your confidence! Set an intention – i.e., How do you want to be inside as you meet someone new? Choose a state of being that not only elevates you, but also invites someone to get to know you – e.g., Courageous, Warm, Playful, Joyful, etc. And celebrate ahead of time – Imagine you totally hit it off and do a happy dance or a fist pump, whatever gets your energy flowing. Prepare your body too – pick an archetype you want to embody (e.g., Wonder Woman, Lara Croft, Captain Marvel, Valkyrie, Florence Nightingale, etc.) and physically practice stepping into it. Meditate, jump on a trampoline, scream into a pillow, dance around the room, or sing at the top of your lungs – whatever you need to elevate your mind, body, and spirit for the occasion, do it!

5) Smile :) Practice being open with simple things like smiling or making eye contact. And here’s a tip – try smiling from the center of your body out. Feel your feet grounded and the energy of joy moving from your core, spreading through your entire body and then out into the world. With that type of energy, you can’t help but to smile or have a sparkle in your eyes. Why is it important to smile with your whole body? Because if you’re only smiling with your face, that’s where all your energy will be. And if that’s the case, then you’re going to get caught up in your head and the thinking process for sure, which starts a horrid spiral that can only lead to disaster. So, smile from your core. And if you meet someone who strikes your fancy and feel some flirting coming on, then go for it!

More than anything, believe in yourself and what’s possible. Paraphrasing one of my personal heroes, Marcus Aurelius, know that if it’s true for one person, then it’s true for all – meaning that if I can find the love of my life in my mid-40’s and create a life together that brings me more joy than I could have ever imagined, then that is indeed possible for you too.

Happy Valentine’s Day, all!

About Nancy

Nancy Shuford Craig is a Coach, Author, Speaker and Event Leader, helping single women know that love at any age is 1,000% possible. She helps clients to clear anything that may be blocking them from love, to vision and call in a partnership that truly fulfills them, and to be absolutely ready to sustain those relationships for life. With over 19 years in personal development, an MA in Spiritual Psychology, Certification as a Master Coach, and in-depth study of the Feminine and Masculine, Nancy has helped hundreds of women overcome their challenges in order to achieve their true heart’s desires.